Ya Want Some Nitrous Oxide?

I totally know how you feel, little dude. One time, when the dentist took out some of my teeth, I called my husband's mother a scary lady. To her face.

Another Random Video

Takashi Mike is the last person I would have pegged for a...children's film? Pepsi Commercial? What is Yatterman anyway?

Random Videos

I've heard tale (!) of this magic device but the ending is pure Lynch. Hilarious.

I Hate November

I hate November. Everything seems so off to me, and that's just not right. I cannot read an entire book, I refuse to feed or clean my house and family, I am not amused with red leaves. Late fall in Oklahoma is also dry, windy, and surprisingly bleak. I'm just going to have to be silly for a little bit, if only to alleviate my fucking ennui.
1. Laughing Babies. Give me the baby!
Baby coveting aside, this little dude is totally going to grow to be the guy at the party who laughs at all of your jokes. I love that guy.
2. Mozart's Concerto #22. The happiest song I've ever heard.
3. Summer Nights. What did you do this summer, Sandy? Shoo Ba Ba Bop!
4. The Dali Lama. This speech is called the Nobel Lecture.

The realisation that we are all basically the same human beings, who seek happiness and try to avoid suffering, is very helpful in developing a sense of brotherhood and sisterhood; a warm feeling of love and compassion for others. This, in turn, is essential if we are to survive in this ever shrinking world we live in. For if we each selfishly pursue only what we believe to be in our own interest, without caring about the needs of others, we not only may end up harming others but also ourselves. This fact has become very clear during the course of this century. We know that to wage a nuclear war today, for example, would be a form of suicide; or that by polluting the air or the oceans, in order to achieve some short-term benefit, we are destroying the very basis for our survival. As interdependents, therefore, we have no other choice than to develop what I call a sense of universal responsibility.

Today, we are truly a global family.

5 The I Has Series. This picture tickles my funny bone. Don't judge!

Cops & Queers Make Good Looking...whathaveyou

Well, well, well. Who cannot stand the test of time, might you ask? Marylin Manson. Oh, go ahead and say, "Whatever. I am a.) too young or b.) don't care or c.) care but evolved or even d.) too old for this goth one trick pony". Right you are A, B, C and even you, D. Marylin Mason is a jerk. Exhibit A:
Spooky! I remember thinking to myself "Here is a ligitamate degenerate!" and I was right. Half of the social ills that transpired between the release of this video and the release of Paris Hilton's video was blamed on one man. Paul. Not the rest of the band, mind you. Just Paul. Nowadays's this poor man's catharsis from blighted miscreant to International Savage to i don't...what are you talking about? has been played across the burlesque, sequins and age. Marilyn Manson is a Dillitante. Observe exhibit B:
Chilling.
Incidentally, if you are curious, there are people who were instrumental in creating the Marilyn Manson motif who were not posers. Here is one such lady.

Gloriousness!

There are two unrealized dreams of mine that I have laid to rest because, I now know, I don't stand a chance at either of them. C'est la vie. One of them was to become a rock and roll star. I wanted to wear wet leather on a stage of fire a la Lita Ford. I cannot sing. The second was to become a dancer, and I cannot dance either. Solid Gold is off the air anyways.

Dues ex Machina

I have a terrible confession to make: I love infomercials. Take the most useless product, film a thirty minute piece of propaganda about that product, fill those thirty minutes with third rate actors, bad lighting, and relentless BUY BUY BUY speech which for the most part completely disregards honesty and reliability and there you are. Me on the lazyboy avidly watching. Improve my golf swing? Prepare cake and fish cakes in the same cooker at the same time? Eradicate dust mites? But wait, there's more? Holy shit, I love watching this stuff.
But you know what kind of commercials I hate? Commercials that say, "Hey, I'm not a commercial. I am YOU. Only more clever, sexy, and fun. Give me your money and we'll make a deal." Infomercials do not pretend to be me. They just want to be my friend. Fair enough. But certain companies with too much money and not enough time (look into 30 minutes!) try to squeeze in all of their pushy, desperate, annoying bits in 60 seconds and I'm not having it. I want you to sell your shit, ad people, not play with it.

WTF was that? Thanks for ruining that song Candy Posers.

I....you know, actually, they're gonna have to sweeten the deal with not just one, not just two, but four gangbangs for $19.95. Because that's what these ho's are worth.

That's the last time, Bender. Thats the last time you ever make me look bad in front of those kids, you hear me? I make $31,000 a year and I have a home and I'm not about to throw it all away on some punk like you. Wait a second, are those from Penny's?

Nobody would like you if you didn't have your damn low, low rollback prices, Wal-Mart. Keep your dirty hands off Carol of the Bells.

Ugh. Too much. Too much lying. Too many falsehoods and outrageous claims written by corporate goons with too little time. I am a simple person. All I need are paid performers with no experience talking about something they've never heard of before in a studio setting and also Cher is there as well. Or that Dyson guy.

More Spring Break Trash

So, in retrospect, maybe my love for music videos was a little like the love one has for their bad boyfriend. It's never really satisfying, but it is...what? Romantic? Dramatic? Satisfying? It can be hard to tell, but dammit I miss music videos. I remember my first. We didn't have cable when I was a little girl, but my grandma did and she let us have the run of the place (hi grandma!). When it was my turn to have control of the TV I watched MTV. I remember watching a camera skid across an open, purple room filled with birds and oddly a bathtub. Then a little serious man stood up from this tub and extended his hand to me! Just beats and pompousness and purple. I was hooked. In any case, I could not have foreseen the collapse of the romance between myself and music videos; money holds the strings now and money is boring. So, in retrospect, a collection of the happy times.
When Doves Cry
Thriller
All Through the Night
Faith
West End Girls
Express Yourself
You Got the Right Stuff
Smells Like Teen Spirit
Closer
Just
Hit Me Baby One More Time

Hard Candy

I'll be honest and admit that I miss the old Madonna. I thought she was really fun and smart and inspired. But I read the writing on the wall the day when I saw this coverpage. Since then, she's gone from being the lovably fucked up fuck me fuck you Madonna I knew and cherished to a....boring and tiresome older woman. Where did your funk go, Madonna? Can one not age gracefully, while maintaining some sort of continuity? I understand that people change, but Madonna is not a person like you and I. She is the invention of a lonely, repressed, exhibitionist kid from Michigan and apparently that kid is now a cranky hag (my heart!). Children's Author? Kabbalahist? African Adopter? Happily Married? Madge? Esther? Hoo doo Madonna. Hoo doo. Now she's got another album coming out and I, because I can't let go, will go out and buy it.
This is my prayer: Please, please let her overcome her trite politics. Please, please, let someone give her some warm tapioca, Tivo'd Wheel of Fortune, and a large diamond encrusted mirror so that we will be spared her vanity, may she be at peace.
Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permissions of another.

It's Sunday: Just for fun

The Ladies:
Liv Tyler for Givenchy
Eva's Ass is everywhere!
I'm bored of Paris, aren't you?
Obligatory Britney; Maybe she's comin' round the bend
The Gentlemen:
Becks....Falsetto in Armani
I used to have a Tom Cruise poster in my bedroom, now my therapist does
The film is goofy and overlong...but I love this Englishman

When a Couple Dozen Eggs and a T-Bone isn't Enough

This Texas man really, really likes sausage. And not no goddamned 12 ounce sausage, but a 16 ounce sausage. Oh, and he knows about your little conspiracy Jimmy Dean Corporation. You've got over six hundred pounds of men and plump Scottish woman awares now! Stand up for your sausage, Texan.