I Hate November

I hate November. Everything seems so off to me, and that's just not right. I cannot read an entire book, I refuse to feed or clean my house and family, I am not amused with red leaves. Late fall in Oklahoma is also dry, windy, and surprisingly bleak. I'm just going to have to be silly for a little bit, if only to alleviate my fucking ennui.
1. Laughing Babies. Give me the baby!
Baby coveting aside, this little dude is totally going to grow to be the guy at the party who laughs at all of your jokes. I love that guy.
2. Mozart's Concerto #22. The happiest song I've ever heard.
3. Summer Nights. What did you do this summer, Sandy? Shoo Ba Ba Bop!
4. The Dali Lama. This speech is called the Nobel Lecture.

The realisation that we are all basically the same human beings, who seek happiness and try to avoid suffering, is very helpful in developing a sense of brotherhood and sisterhood; a warm feeling of love and compassion for others. This, in turn, is essential if we are to survive in this ever shrinking world we live in. For if we each selfishly pursue only what we believe to be in our own interest, without caring about the needs of others, we not only may end up harming others but also ourselves. This fact has become very clear during the course of this century. We know that to wage a nuclear war today, for example, would be a form of suicide; or that by polluting the air or the oceans, in order to achieve some short-term benefit, we are destroying the very basis for our survival. As interdependents, therefore, we have no other choice than to develop what I call a sense of universal responsibility.

Today, we are truly a global family.

5 The I Has Series. This picture tickles my funny bone. Don't judge!

The Diet of Choice

It is time again to diet. Normally I am not much of a dieter but as of late I have a: stopped smoking, b: experienced a metabolism change and c: been pigging out on junk food. So, with little thought and no consultation I have engaged in the Lean Cuisine Diet wherein I will only eat microwave dinners (featuring 6 grams of fat or less) until I am again comfortable with my weight. I have no idea if this diet will actually work, but then again all I have to do is actually eat these meals, every meal, every day, until I lose weight. The problem is that while the dinners are fast and handy, they often taste really strange and salty. Here is a list I'm compiling along with a rating of Lean Cuisine (LC), Weight Watchers Smart Ones (SO), and Healthy Choice (HC) entrees; the scale is from one to ten with one equating horse flesh and ten equating strawberry pie.
1. LC's Four Cheese Cannelloni-1. This sad little dish has the unique distinction of being both bitter and bland. It purports to be a traditional Italian dish; what I ate was something more akin to medicinal lotion in a tire slathered with grossly expired ketchup.
2. HC's Classic Grilled Chicken BBQ-7. Healthy Choice chicken dishes are pretty good, and the BBQ sauce is pleasantly spicy/sweet. I was less impressed with the potatoes (shriveled) and the broccoli florets (pitifully small/ disintegrates on contact), but the peaches were a yummy and warm complement to the BBQ.
3. LC's Deluxe Cheddar Potato-11. I cannot describe how much I love these potatoes. There is fake cheese galore and salt, salt, and more salt. The potatoes and broccoli are mere springboards from which the cheese salt soars into the heavens. Hold the phone: apparently there are turkey bacon bits in it too! Pure magic.
4. SO's Spaghetti with Meat Sauce-5. After eating this, I actually felt full. Maybe the diet is working already? The sauce does a decent impression of heartiness, but the meat could have been minced anything. The spaghetti noodles were ok, but agian, walking away with that "not hungry" feeling is priceless.
5. LC's Gourmet Mushroom Pizza-1. Did you ever wonder what a trashcan full of gangrenous corpses and feces tasted like? It probably tastes better than this pizza.
6. HC's Minestrone Soup-7. Although in no way was my appetite saited by the serving portion, I actually liked the taste and textures of this Minestrone. The base was a little too sweet for me, and the peas were squishy, but all in all a tiny tasty soup.
7. HC's Slow Roasted Turkey Breast and Mashed Potatoes-8. The turkey is a bit dry. That's it. That is my only critique. The sauce? Good! The mashed potatoes? Good! The mixed vegetables? They are mixed vegetables! The secret with this one is to mix everything together.
8. LC's Steak, Cheddar and Mushroom Panini-7. I suspect LC's success is dependent on their delightful cheddar, because like #3 this one is good. These panini's, which apparently means sloppy sandwich in Italian, are for the most part very tasty-just stay away from the edges if you have any sort of dental issues. Concrete would be easier to bite into.
9. HC's Lemon Pepper Fish-3. Yeah, I tried the fish. This tasted like something I ate in the cafeteria in my husband's grandmother's retirement home. It was the fish or chicken a la king and I do not do chicken a la king.
10. SM's Broccoli and Cheddar Roasted Potatoes-10. The serving size is smaller than LC's version of this dish, but I love it just as much. Well, almost. Where are the turkey bacon bits?

So that is my diet so far. I have not lost any weight-yet-but then again I stopped ballooning. I do miss the good times, however, like eating real food. Damn metabolism!

The Bookseller

When they were younger, my parents had a variety of kooky money making schemes. There was the construction company that my dad ran; good for the family larder, not so great for quality dad time as dad was never home. Also under this heading: my mom as full time career gal. Good for Rosie the Riveter morale, but bad for parental patience when the father figure is absent (see above). Then there was the dad as college student poverty days, dad as cattleman/child labor boss, dad as a high school art teacher who could finally bond with children even if they were not his own. Ah, childhood. My favorite, as well as the briefest of these episodes, was the bookstore. My parents are bookphiles, a good and great thing for people to be. I am one myself.
It is difficult for second hand booksellers to make a profit, a lesson as a family we learned first hand. Books are lovable but not bankable. Knowing this as I do, I cherish the independent bookseller. I'll choose a preowned book before a new one, simply because I know of the struggle people endure just to open the doors to business. I do not, however, like this feeling of loyalty to be taken advantage of. Point in case, Gardners. One million books! An acre of store space! Eccentric employees! This is literally an emporium of used books. Everything under the sun can be found here if one is diligent in their search, and I am nothing if not ruthless in my quest for an exceptional personal library.
Today my library may shed a tear because today I was ripped off by Gardners. I was overcharged for the last time today ($8.95 for a chewed up copy of the Tao te Ching. Shameless!). I have carried the cross of affection too long for this store, arguably the best and certainly the largest of its kind in Tulsa. I am overcharged every time I go in there. I don't mind a little padding because (see above) I love books, but come on! Enough already. Damn it. This means I'll have to start buying new books, which means less books. What does the Tao say to comfort me in my distress?
Men are born soft and supple; dead, they are stiff and hard. Plants are born tender and pliant; dead, they are brittle and dry. Thus whomever is still and inflexible is a disciple of death. Whoever is soft and yielding is a disciple of life. The hard and still will be broken. The soft and supple will prevail.

Walking Around in Other People's Dreams

I was talking to a student of mine today about who I used to be when I was his age, and I realized that the character I'd been describing never existed. That she, now me, changed too much to ever support anything but a flip label. I forget who I used to be, and someday I'll forget who I am today.
I feel like a snake shedding it's skin; I need a nice sharp rock to drag my body against. I'll be so pretty and shiny then. Now I can't speak or look or taste. A catalyst. I need a catalyst.
Do you remember your dreams? I do, with clarity. When I am dreaming it's as though I'm awake and while dreaming, if a mirror is present, I make it a point to look into it. Do you know what I see? A rippling, smudged image of a human. Not me, not anyone. Like I'm in someone else's dream.
I want to see myself at some point. I'll wait forever if I need to. I'm expecting. I'm not angry or confused. I'm expecting.

Welcome to the Club

My little sister, the one whom I protected against hostile Indians, pedophiles and myself is now a mama. Welcome to the Club sister.
As a member of the club you will be afforded many honors. You will be assisted in times of peril and hardship as well as in times of gladness. You will know your sisters of the Club by means of Knowing Eyes, Knowing Smiles, and Helping Hands. We are legion. Your daughter will be protected not only by yourself but also by members of the Club. We have faith in you, I have faith in you, our mother has faith in you. Welcome, little sister!