Cooties

I am as bad as a man when I am unwell. The Princess and the Pea has nothing on me. Let me elaborate on my condition, gather round. My head is at once achy and floaty and unwilling to think. My body is like that Britney song, " Cause I'm cold as fire baby, hot as ice", which until this moment never made sense to me. I want to vomit. I am crabby, petulant, and without merit. Boo hoo, I'm fucking sick. It's times like these that I'm glad I'm a nobody. Did you hear that Elizabeth Taylor had it worked into her Cleopatra contract that she recieved a week off every month so that she could menstrate in peace? I know, I know, Cleopatra was a disaster, this was just another nail in that coffin, but come on. I am laid low by a nasty, potentially debilitating for several days bacterial something, and she gets a week off for her period? Nobodies have got the Somebodies beat in this race. At least my hissy fits are not published ............................................oh wait.
By the by, ginger and carrot juice are very good for common ailments. Add 1/4 cup of grated ginger to a hot bath, as well as epsom salt, and soak until you're wrinkled. Drink carrot juice several times throughout the day, as well as kombucha tea. Rest. Now go away.