We Only Know Them When They Are Gone

I enjoy looking for symbolism in my everyday, mundane life. It is a fun game to play. Some of my favorites: watching two people bicker under a stop sign, swearing off booze then receiving wine glasses as a gift, a white butterfly when I'm in a pickle....stuff like that tickles me. One of my very favorite symbols is that of the angel. I am not a religious person, so I'm not describing a heavenly being. If you disregard the religious aspect of the angel you have a random human embodying a good and kind virtue, an act that illuminates your soul if only for a moment. These are the strangers that enter your life to help you and then disappear; they are the ones that pick up your papers when your hands are full, they give you their place in line when your baby is screaming, they provide jumper cables when your car is dead. You thank them and then they are gone and it strikes you that their assistance and warmth was no mere coincidence. That person was an angel.

I only bring this topic up because the other day I experienced the most serendipitous angelic incidence ever. I was having a bad day; I was Fat and Ugly. I'm not really fat or ugly, I'm an average person, but what can I say? It was one of those days. I decided to go for a walk and get some fresh air. Barely into my first block, I pass two women on the sidewalk. They are of the Venus of Wilendorf ilk and were chattering together as I smiled and sidestepped. One of the women, the bleach blond in the white tank top said, "See? This is why we walk. To be skinny like you." I am so taken aback I responded with "Oh. Gosh!". They continue on and I no longer feel fat. Instead, I am invigorated and take a long, indulgent walk but again creeps up this terrible suspicion that I am ugly-more than ugly. As I walk and beat my self esteem into a pulp, I notice a shabby white Volvo driving around and around our neighborhood. Tulsa's labyrinthine streets often confuse drivers so I wasn't particularly interested but then the car slows and the driver, a young (and cute!) man still in his mall-clothes phase, motions for me to take my earbuds out. I do so. I thought he needed directions. He says to me, "I just wanted to tell you, I think you are really pretty." Happiness! I have the wherewithal to thank him, and then, "Are you lost?" "No," he says. I am not a flirt so our conversation did not last very long, but my heart was racing. Yea! All of the dark and stupid thoughts are gone. I am skinny and really pretty. And the only logical explanation of these circumstances are angels. Who else could administer a more perfect (and well timed) remedy? Angels are such a lovely symbol, and one worth paying attention to.