Who are you, again?

I love to scour the celebrity blogs online. It's a genetic thing. But lately there seems to be a plethora of new actors, hangers-on, wannabe's, socialites and even films and musical acts all of whom I have never heard of. This is an unnatural thing. Who the hell are these people? My investigation:
Ryan Adams: A musician? He has a beef with Courtney Love.
Girls Aloud: A British girl group.
The Watchmen: ? Glow In the Dark Eyes a good guy/anti-hero?
Lauren Conrad: Actress. Is she also "Lo", or is that another girl?
Demi Loveto/Selena Gomez: Jr. Disney girls. Beef with Sr. Disney Girl.
Kristen Bell: No idea.
Jonas Brothers: Boy Band of brothers.
Pete Doherty/Amy Winehouse: Junkies.
Twilight: A vampire book series.
Emmy Rossum: Edwardian-looking singer.
Spiedy: Vacuous duo extraordinaire.
Ryan Gosling: Actor. Nerd.
Gossip Girl: Teenage\witless Sex and the City.
My investigation remains open because now I have to pull back from tabloid fodder and go back to work. Too many bigger fish to fry like insurance, mortgage, education, vaccinations, television, gas prices, peeling paint, grey hairs, groceries, plumbers, kids, spouse, parents, dog, retirement, day care, library books, and melanoma. Tomorrow is another day Khloe Kardashian.